I am officially 1/2 of the way through my contract. It’s a real shame that it is so close to Christmas. I have this inevitable gloom of uncertainty hanging over my head. I know, suck it up and apply for a new job. I have. I’ve applied for well over 10 jobs. I am just stuck and defeated.
We just bought a house that we love 4 months before being laid off. The house sat on the market for over a year before selling. I doubt we’ll be able to have a quick sell with that type of turn around. Did I mention we really like the house?! Some more negatives: Greg’s still employed there, his son gets free tuition, and his daughter already lives an hour away with her mother. It’s hard to just up and leave with all of this in the background. I’ll be losing health insurance, student loan forgiveness, and probably my mind by the end of spring semester.
I’m going to share my feelings through out this experience. I’m sure people can relate. I hope you never have to. It’s similar to the 5 Stages of Grief, instead these are the 7 Stages of being laid off.
I received a phone call from the President’s secretary around 9:30am on a Monday morning “The president wants to see you.” I just knew it was bad. I told my office mate, “Welp, I’m going to get fired.” My coworkers thought it was good news because I was just interviewed by the newspaper and the local radio about a unique course I was teaching at the college. They thought it was going to be good news..
Like I said above, I saw it coming. As I walked to the office there was a security guard leaning against the wall. “Yup.” When I walked in, someone just walked out. Little did I or anyone else know it was going to be a fun-filled day of 30 people being laid off! He asks me to sit down, then reads off of a piece of paper, no eye contact, no regret. He didn’t know me, or anyone else he laid off that day. The man’s only been in this position for 4 months. He didn’t care, he doesn’t care.
I was so annoyed! I worked hard, every-single-day! I put in well over the 37.5 hours I was being paid for a week. I came in at night, on the weekends, early, late. I worked events that weren’t required of me. I worked so hard and it meant absolutely nothing.
You spend a lot of time thinking “I’m not good enough. I deserved this. I’m horrible at my job.” I went to work everyday for the rest of fall semester. The world continues to turn and people move on. People get over it, but you don’t. You really start to feel unwanted and deserving.
The terms of my layoff allows my department to hire a full-time tenure track position. Which I was not. So they’re in the process of hiring someone to TEACH THE CLASSES I TEACH! I know they had no say or control of the situation, but still. The college wants to save money, so they’re going to hire someone and pay them MORE than me to do what I was doing. I probably shouldn’t be so upset about this. I’m just in the angry phase right now. I feel bad for the people around me.
I’m trying to make my way into this mindset. It’s challenging when you’re practically Ash from Evil Dead. I believe I deserved my job because I went above and beyond. But I think everyone there could make this claim.
7. Positive attitude for what’s next
All I can say is I’m trying… planning, waiting..
I have some side jobs now like driving for Uber on the weekends and taking my real estate exam this month. I’ll continue applying for various positions. Maybe something will open up.
Remember, enjoy the little things.